Are You Still There Jesus
By: Jaele D. Davis

Just over a year ago I became a Born-Again Christian or “saved” as some would call it. Since then, I’ve experienced a joy, peace and contentment that I’ve never felt before. On the other hand I’ve also felt frustration, disappointment and confusion. This being saved was a little harder than I thought. I’ve had to call upon Him several times asking
“Are you still there Jesus?” because people and situations will try your patience and your walk with GOD.
But, I’m getting ahead of myself.Let me tell you a little background about myself so you will understand where I’m coming from in this article. I’m a 47-year old Black single mother with a wonderful and smart nine year-old son named Brandon. I moved from Los Angeles, California to Texas a year or so ago to provide a better education and quality of life for my son and to care for my mother who was suffering with Alzheimer’s disease. She was in and out of assisted living and nursing facilities for years. She lived with my son and me until I could no longer care for her. She passed away in mid 2006. I still miss her. But Jesus is giving me the strength to endure.
Although I’ve had a few minor and temporary setbacks, I’d always been somewhat successful in California. I didn’t think it would be any different in Texas. I found a job and bought a house. After becoming frustrated, I walked away from the job to go to school and get my certificate in Interior Design (OK, maybe I should have kept the job for a while longer). I made the painful decision to walk away from the house when the taxes and expenses became too much for me. Because I was house poor after everything was paid, we were struggling and eating very creative meals that either had rice, beans, noodles, milk or peanut butter and jelly in them. Occasionally, I cried out in the dark of night asking, “Are you still there Jesus?”

I had to apply for Unemployment and Medicaid Health Benefits for my son and me. My son qualified for the free lunch program for that year which was a big relief. Buying the no-name brand foods saved me more money. Lights and cable were cut off a couple of times. I strategized every week of how I was going to get my son to school and still have enough gas to get me to work and visiting a friend of mine who was in the hospital was out of the question. I pawned some of my jewelry for extra cash with the intent of going back and getting them later. I never did. I began to feel bad and worthless when I had to pawn my son’s Playstation II console, but I did make sure I went back to get it before he noticed it was gone because I chose not to make him suffer for my mistakes or the economy. Again I asked, “Are you still there Jesus?”

Now, this is not a sad story by any means. I saw the blessings of Jesus all the time, in many ways. I asked for peace, strength and joy during my decision to walk away from my house Jesus gave it to me. None of my friends knew and never detected anything other than joy was in my personality during hard times. They were truly shocked when I told them about my situation. In the midst of it all, Jesus was truly a miracle worker and shown favor in the form of a refund check that would come from out of nowhere, an overpayment on an bill I would be reimbursed for, what I needed would be on sale, an overdue bill would be extended for another week and Brandon’s father would send some money for child support that month.Jesus gave me peace, understanding, and strength when I had to tell my son that I didn’t have any money to give him for his cookie or book fundraisers. I prayed for strength as I told my son 2 days before Christmas that Santa may not have gotten our change of address in time so there may not be any presents under the tree on Christmas Day (my check did not come in until two days after Christmas.) Jesus granted me the strength as my son anxiously set about writing to Santa to give him our new address again.

Things have gotten a little better now and I live in a state of expectancy of Jesus’ favor every day. I feel like anything is possible with Him and I am once again pursuing my entrepreneurial spirit by licensing my Patent Pending hair care product to a company that wants to manufacture and distribute my product. I am also taking up my dream of writing a series of funny and inspiring short stories or articles about everyday life as a single mother, entrepreneur and babe in Christ and how Jesus intervenes to help us and teaches us lessons. When you are frustrated, sad, angry, depressed or confused, just ask,
“Are you still there Jesus?” Be patient, He will make himself known.

 

©2008 Jaele D. Davis.